I recently finished reading a book that changed my perspective on how I look at my work, my preconceived notions about money, and my fear of success. I realized that in many ways that I blamed the FS lifestlye for what I saw as a lack of success. I also realized that I am so terrified of failing that I'd rather hide behind that excuse then risk failure. And so with trembly knees I decided to change my attitude.
I don't really like rules but I gave myself one. Be grateful. I was determined to take the time to be grateful for my life, my work, and the people around me.
I hadn't had any photography work coming in and multiple contracts that never came through for one reason or another. In the mean time, I began researching small nonprofits in Rwanda that fell into my portfolios of interest. These were women's issues, agriculture, and education. The organizations had primarily voluntary staffs and no operating budgets for marketing so I knew I wasn't taking away work from other photographers. If the work wasn't going to come to me then I was going to go to it.
"We experience who we really are, and what it is we're meant to do, in any moment when we pour our love into the universe."- The Law of Divine Compensation
After a quick trip to the U.S. I came back to Kigali ready to work on my new projects. And then the most amazing thing happened. Paid work just started showing up at my door. I made a conscious effort to follow my rule and multiple times during my shoots I reminded myself to cherish the moments. Then I'd get back home and have another quote inquiry in my inbox.
Who knows what the reasons are? Maybe it's because there is a lot of attention on Rwanda and the twentieth anniversary of the genocide. Maybe I've been here long enough that more people know me and pass my name around. Maybe I changed my attitude and the universe responded.
There have been many times that I have felt the lowest depths of failure as I try to navigate the foreign service and following my passion. But the highs that come along with them are not relished nearly as much as they should be. I live in Rwanda and I am getting to tell amazing stories through photography of another culture and connect with interesting people every day. I am grateful!
"You are internally programmed to rise to your highest creative possibility. Nothing you do can erase the yearning of your soul to achieve it, or the yearning of the universe to give it to you".
-The Law of Divine Compensation
