In Search of a Legacy

I am on a soul search. For some reason soul searching brings to my mind ideals of meditation, tea, and prayer. Maybe I've been watching to much Eat, Pray, Love. Or maybe we have the definition of soul searching all wrong, and we think that the clouds will part and our purpose will be before us.

When we arrived back in the states a year ago, I was bright eyed with the prospects of being stateside and excited for an opportunity to run an business without all of the bureaucratic red tape that I had encountered as a spouse in Zambia. Oh the joy of work! Well a year has gone by and like a new penny that has lost it's shine, I am forced to take off my rose colored glasses and analyze both my present and my future.

What people don't tell artists when they begin their journey is that even if you work for yourself, your client often dictates the terms of the deal, which in turn dictates your creativity. I have spent the last year learning how to photograph weddings, portraits, families, and events. I have created a business, a new brand, and gone from zero events per year to double digits. It has not been an easy road. Some days I have skinned knees and a bruised ego, but occasionally I have incredible success.

I started on this path because I fell in love with the idea of creating something. I stayed on the path because I loved people and I kept thinking that if I helped them in some way or captured a beautiful memory of their life that all I am and all I create would be of some value. The unfortunate truth of the matter is that most of the work I create is stored on a thumb drive, stuck in a drawer, with a few winning shots showing up in frames occasionally in someones home. This makes me question my legacy and ultimately my purpose.

I have no regrets in terms of what I've learned, nor in the skills that I've acquired on this journey. But I do have to ask the question, "What do I want to create?" If I can find the answer to that question, then all I have to do is be brave enough to make it happen.