Do We Have Giving All Wrong?

I grew up in the family that flew their holiday flag loudly and proudly. Or rather, my mom raised it and my father either acquiesced grumpily or threw himself whole heartedly into the parts of the experience he liked (like making bacon on Christmas morning and reading the Christmas story prior to presents) and then got grumpy again.

We had some pretty incredible times and all seven of us have fantastic stories of the holidays. Ironically, none of those stories revolve around the gifts we were given. Instead we laugh about how we'd receive those gifts from Santa, The Tooth Fairy, The Domestic Fairy, or The Lingerie Fairy. I love thinking about us taking turns in the gift wrapping room and trying to come up with the funniest fairy or unicorn or wretched dwarf to send gifts from. While I love Christmas, I think I loved the act of preparing for it more than anything else.

I know that the holidays can be a stressful time for parents and often was stressful for mine as they tried to get all seven of their children the presents they wanted for Christmas. I wonder if all the stress and sacrifice is worth it? Especially as an adult I can barely remember the gifts I received.

My favorite gift from my childhood was a violin my grandmother sent me. I took lessons for a few years and then fell off the wagon but there was something about opening that gift that has stuck with me when all the others no matter how nice have drifted off down memory lane never to be heard of again. I find it interesting that the gift I most remember was really the experience more than a gift.

So when I stumbled across this article, it made me wonder if we have the holidays all wrong. Are we teaching our children that presents are more important than anything else? Not that I have any children to teach but I do have a whole load of nieces, nephews, brothers, and sisters.

For the last couple of years Dom and I had tried unsuccessfully to get our siblings and my parents to fill out the paperwork so we could send savings bonds to the kids. Apparently, you need parental permission to do so. The process was cumbersome and bulky and it just never really worked out. This article inspired me to do something different when filling out my nieces birthday card. I sent a note to her parents as well. It read like this:

Dear Ian and Priscella,

I hope all is well in beautiful Colorado and your family is happy and well. Dom and I have decided that we really wanted to stop giving presents or physical stuff as gifts to our nieces and nephews. We’ve both come to learn that the greatest treasures in our lives are experiences. 

We hope that by sending this money to you, you can help direct it to the right channels. Perhaps this can help send Jael to summer camp, swimming lessons, or something she is interested in during the year. Maybe it should go into her college fund or the family vacation fund. We think that you know her best and can make sure that she has a wonderful experience with this birthday gift.

We can’t wait to hear about the ways it’s being used and all the things that Jael is discovering as her world expands.

We love you guys and wish we were closer! Hope to see you on our return stateside!

Hugs,

Crystal & Dom

I will have to keep you posted on how it is received as things take awhile to get from here back stateside. I wonder if anyone out there has tried to give the gift of experience versus stuff? What did you find?